Darth Vader, The Days of being Wild
by Saffron Yellow
Summary: A long, long time agoIn a Galaxy far, far away......These are dark days for Darth Vader. Once the Emperor's right hand man, he has now been fired and forced to go on disability. He is searching for any friend in this cold, cruel galaxy...


Jar Jar Binks stood over a series of bubbling vats on is stove. The subtle smell of spices from his home world of Naboo filled the kitchen. He missed Naboo. Coruscant was a big, exciting planet, but he longed for the simple life of the Gungan cities. That is why he made dishes like Nabooian gumbo to remind him of his home. His reverie was broken by the doorbell ring. Jar Jar sighed, it was probably someone selling subscriptions to the Senatorial Record again.

The door slid open and before Jar Jar stood a huge menacing figure. He was nearly as tall as Jar Jar and was dressed entirely in black, including a long black cape and a black helmet with an eerie black mask complete with lidless eyes and a grate where the mouth should be."

"Oh noes!" Jar Jar shrieked, "Is de debbul. Meesa sorry for all de bad tings meesa done, muy muy. Exsqueeze me, Exsqueeze me."

"Calm down Jar Jar," the voice boomed.

"Oh noes, youssa knows my name. Meesa time is up, meesa is dead."

"Jar Jar, you are not dead."

"Meesa not? Is yousa gonna try to get meesa to sell my soul?"

"Jar Jar, I am not the devil. I am Anakin Skywalker."

"Yousa Ani? But why meesa old friend Ani dress up like de debbul an scarsa Jar Jar, muy muy?"

"I was horribly disfigured, Jar Jar. This suit allows me to live."

"Oh noes, meesa so sorry, ani. Yousa need something?"

That is why I have come. The Emperor fired me and I'm on disability. Could I stay with you until I get back on my feet?"

"Youssa bet, Ani. Jar Jar remembers heesa old friends."

Jar Jar did remember his old friend. He let him stay in his apartment as he went to work. Day upon day Jar Jar went to his job in the imperial senate and listened to the Emperor's ever increasing laws. The Senate had less to do as Emperor Palpatine took over the daily roles of the Senate. This delighted Jar Jar immensely, as those issues had always greatly confused him. They now had other important business to discuss, whether the Emperor's birthday should be a Galactic holiday, whether to build an Imperial peace garden on Alderaan or Coruscant, and what was to be the Galactic Empire's official march. These issues also greatly confused Jar Jar, and he was required to rely on his aides heavily.

One day as Jar Jar was leaving his chambers, he bumped into a cloaked and hooded figure in the hall.

"Exsqueeze me!" Jar Jar said with baffled alarm.

"Oh no, Jar Jar, there's no reason to be so formal," Emperor Palpatine pulled his hood back.

"Oh noes, is de Emperor! Meesa sorry for what meesa did!"

"You have not done anything wrong, Jar Jar," the Emperor reassured him. "I merely came to talk with you."

"With meesa? Whats do you want Emperor Palpatine?"

"Please, Jar Jar, we have known each other for so long, just call me Darth Sidious."

"Okey-day, Darth Sidious."

"Jar Jar," the emperor smiled benevolently, though his benevolence seemed a mask, "I have heard rumors that you have a new roommate."

"Yessa, Ani Skywalker, heesa lives with meesa now."

"I am delighted to hear that. Tell me, how is he?"

"Good, heesa sit on de couch all day and drink beer and watches wrestling on television. Meesa wish meesa could do that."

"Oh Jar Jar," the Emperor sighed wistfully, "It doesn't sound like he's doing well at all. Does he pay rent?"

"Oh noes, meesa couldn't ask meesa old friend to pay."

"Does he clean the apartment?"

"Oh no, heesa too busy watching wrestling."

"It doesn't sound like he's busy at all; and I had such hopes for Anikan."

As Jar Jar returned home that night he saw Darth Vader at his usual spot on the couch surrounded by empty beer cans. He had a can of Nabooian Genera-Brew in his left hand and the remote in his right.

"Meesa goodness Darth, don't you ever pick up?"

"I will once wrestling is over."

"Eesa all fake, how can you watch it?"

"It is remarkable. The grace, the athleticism, these men must be strong in the force. They remind me of me before… well you know."

Jar Jar was sorry he had yelled at his friend. He knew Darth Vader really did need his help.

"Yousa will never believe who meesa saw today."

"Who, Jar Jar?"

"Oh noes yousa supposed to guess."

"The Coruscant Idol."

"No guess again."

"I do not want to guess again, Jar Jar, just tell me."

"Oh, yousa no fun. I saw de Emperor!"

Darth Vader continued to breathe his slow mechanical way. Jar Jar had expected a reaction of some sort, yet, though he stared at Darth Vader a long time he just sat still, unblinking eyes looking out.

"Heesa asked about you," Jar Jar broke the silence.

"Did you tell him I am a broken man."

"Oh noes, meesa told him that yousa sit around and drink beer all day long."

"I see, and what did he say?"

"Heesa seemed sad. That made Jar Jar feel bad, muy muy."

Darth crumpled the empty beer can in his hand and lobbed it into the waste paper basket. "I sense a disturbance in the force, as if you have brought home another case of beer."

"Yousa right, that force be amazing," replied Jar Jar.

Yet in time their relationship became strained and Jar Jar became more resentful of Darth Vader's sloth. He still brought home a case of beer every night, which Anikan readily consumed, but the two hardly spoke. Jar Jar tried to encourage him to find a job, gently at first and Darth Vader would promise to get one. Sometimes he'd even take out the help wanted section of the Coruscant Weekly, but that was about as far as it went.

One day Jar Jar returned home from the senate in a fury. He had wanted to make the Wookie holiday, "Life Day," a Galactic Holiday, but the vote had failed. He stormed into his apartment and his rage grew as he saw Darth Vader just sitting on the couch surrounded by a pile of beer cans.

"Whatsa yousa doing?"

"I am watching Intergalactic Championship Wrestling."

"That's all yousa ever do, yousa bum."

"I am not a bum," Darth stood up, "I am differently abled, you see differently abled."

"Meesa see yousa walk around and yousa can use your hands to open beer cans so meesa thinks yousa can get a job ant Burger Comet."

"I was a Jedi; I was on the council…"

"Well yousa ain't no more. Yousa is de laziest Sith Lord meesa ever seen."

Jar Jar felt a hideous sensation, as if two hands were wrapped around his throat. Darth Vader stretched out his arms and watched Jar Jar crumple to the floor with a sickening thud. His greenish flesh dulled to grey and his long tongue sprawled out on the floor."

Vader walked over to the refrigerator and popped open another brew. The neighbors must have heard the ruckus. In a few minutes the imperial storm troopers would arrive. Every minute seemed like an eternity. He slowly savored his last Nabooian Genera-Brew. He felt his veins turn to ice when he heard a soft knock upon the door.

He got up slowly, opened the door, and saw the shriveled figure of the Emperor. "My master," Darth cried.

"Darth Vader, how long it has been. I felt a disturbance in the force."

"Yes, I killed Jar Jar Binks."

"Good, your hate has made you strong."

"It has?"

"Oh yes, put down that beer and help me bring order to the Galaxy."

Darth Vader did feel strong, stronger than ever. He put down the beer and followed taking one last look at Jar Jar lying sprawled upon the ground.

"Leave him. I'll have a squadron of storm troopers take care of this." The pair walked out.


End file.
